so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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