I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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