Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
