So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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