true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i love accidental penises.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
