now i know why i became what i already was.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize