I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
