Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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