she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
