Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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