do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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