You work out of a Hotel?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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