Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
