he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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