The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
