i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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