i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize