I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
