I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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