I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
