And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
