Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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