I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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