why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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