i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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