listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
