FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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