On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
