Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
