Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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