Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
