I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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