i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
