being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i think i just lost a toe
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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