i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
