i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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