Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So vagazzling was a success
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
