This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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