a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize