we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
