you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
