when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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