Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
