she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
