I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
