I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
