we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
