I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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