you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
