And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
