I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
