Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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