please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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