we're blogging at a bar
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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