found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
