I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
