giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
