ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She even gives head with a lisp.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
