THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
