Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
