my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
