It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
