he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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