Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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