So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
