sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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