I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
