She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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