thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
